On Forks in the Road, Doors Closing, and Australia.

Dearest Readers,

Bear with me on this post. I have faced a big ‘ol fork in my road this past week, and as much as this is a blog post about it, it’s also a journal entry for myself;
writing helps me sort my world out.

It’s a long one dudes, feel free to carry on, or not.

{This is for me, and for you, too, if you’d like.}
_____________________________________________________

Maybe. Maybe not.

In the last couple years this statement has seemed to be my catch phrase. In fact, if instead of a middle name, my name should have a subtitle

Lauren Catherine: Maybe, Maybe not.

It’s not that I don’t commit to things. Nope- when I choose to do something I’m ALL in. But in this wonderfully daunting young-adult stage of life, I find there is an amazing (read: scary) chance that has been given to me to make choices regarding how the manuscript is going to be written.

And, turns out, the author doesn’t always listen to what I want, or think I want.

Sometimes I say “maybe” and the world gently answers “maybe not”.

…and I continue on and try to find the balance between it all.

The whole development of it, on one hand, excites me: I get to choose what my life includes. As a kid, my whole bookshelf was filled with “choose your own adventure” novels. But all of a sudden, when I tumble in as the protagonist of those novels and the adventure I’m picking is my life, it seems a bit heavier.

This year, after returning from a backpacking trip I fell nicely into an amazing job that has allowed me to save up for my future. Furthermore, it has opened my eyes up to a lot more of adulthood: responsibility, being authoritative, and having confidence in my decisions. I will walk away from this job with many more “tools” in my “toolbox”.

As amazing as those tools are, they just don’t fit right in the molding the toolbox was pre-made for. My toolbox has places prepared for tools like empathy, listening, teaching, and learning.

I have a university degree as an elementary school teacher: and I’m sure I will love it and embrace it eventually. But to tell you the truth, I’m still a little scared to endeavor the responsibility and commitment of affecting 30 kids lives every day. I’m still feeling young and transient.

More importantly, the words “Maybe. Maybe not.” probably should not be a token phrase when teaching children.

Before I settle down into a permanent job and life, I want to figure out more of those ‘maybe’s” out… at least into “probably’s”. I probably know what I want, I probably know what I’m doing. Yes, that has a better ring to it.

(but oh, please, world… let there be a few good maybe’s around every corner, it keeps me on my toes.)

Up until now my maybe’s were pretty straight forward. I probably will graduate from university as a teacher, then probably I will go backpacking… then maybe I will work for a bit to fund my dream of a Masters program in Rehabilitation Sciences…

Last Monday the world dropped a big “maybe NOT” in my path.

Turns out I am 0.03 away from the GPA they are currently accepting into Occupational Therapy.

Damnit, I knew I shouldn’t have partied that one night before that one paper was due, then pulled an all-nighter to get it done. Getting an A instead of an A- on one little assignment would have really helped out with the 0.03 and got me that acceptance letter. Hmph. :)

Since Monday I’ve frequently been given the advice “when one door closes, another door opens". At first, I wanted to slam that door in those advisor's faces. But now… I guess I realize that piece of advice has to be true, because I’m sure as heck not going to stay trapped in a room with all the doors closed. In fact, if I have to, I’ll cut a hole in the roof to get out.

Maybe. Maybe not.

So… a door was closed for this year. Turns out, a door opened sooner than I thought.

I have an opportunity to substitute teach in Australia. Short, or long term, whatever suits my timeline. Starting in September.

So…

Maybe Yes: this might just be the perfect situation to tackle my inhibitions of teaching, while fulfilling my appetite to travel.

Maybe Not: how totally scary! I’d be going to Australia alone. I’d have to leave my family and friends. I’d have to do long distance with my boyfriend for my time away. I’d have to navigate my way in a totally foreign city and culture!

Maybe.

Maybe not… but maybe!

In a helpful moment this week, I came across this quote:

"They came to sit & dangle their feet off the edge of the world & after awhile they forgot everything but the good & true things they would do someday."

— Brian Andreas

I am ravenous for adventure. I’m not sure what that adventure will be yet, or where the “maybe & maybe not’s” will take me.

But, I do know I’d like to dangle my feet off a few more edges of this world, explore, and do good and true things.

Photos taken on a backpacking trip in Kalambaka, Greece in 2009.